Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
