Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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