Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
