i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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