You can't special order awesome
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
