I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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