Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
