Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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