I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize