I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You were trust falling into bushes
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
