After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
