I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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