You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
