he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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