I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
