i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
