what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
