i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize