but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
