I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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