Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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