she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
COCAINE IS GR8
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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