I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
