my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
