Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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