Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
