So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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