woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
