He kissed a someone with a penis
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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