Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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