Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
