ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize