currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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