I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
