Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
