i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
