Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
