i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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