she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
