fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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