shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
