using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Are my feet made of real feet?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
