Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
