I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
