She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
