my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
