He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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