Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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