Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
