In the future we'll all be gay
Your face is a jimmy john
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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