My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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