to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
if only i could text you this smell
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
