The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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