Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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