Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
