piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
