your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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