Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
