hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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