well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
