i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
