she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize