Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
