I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
