the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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