There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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