I just made out with a guy for $7.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
