For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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