I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
