i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
