I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
