hotel room ftw
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
