she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
