between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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