I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
