i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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