well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
