I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
