I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
