thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
