my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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