i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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