if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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