You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
