She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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