Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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