My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
