Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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