i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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