Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
